As a child, my father was the sole bread winner and my mother the care taker. Although my mothered entered the workforce for a short period of time to help with the finances, my father did not help my mother in the home. I vividly recall him arriving home from work and mom always had a meal prepared. In addition, my mother handled all the chores of the home including during the time that she worked part-time.
Today, it is very different in my home. Both my husband and I work and we both handle the chores and the care of our children. Therefore, in essence we are both working a double shift except I have an added load of school work and during those times he does more of the housework or he hires help. I have to admit that I feel guilty not being able to fulfill my duties as expected because I am in school full-time in addition to working 40 hours a week.
As a mother, I believe it is my primary responsibility to care for our two daughters and when my parents come of age, I also believe it will be my responsibility to help care for them as they cared for me when I was a child. The policies for caretakers of the UK are admirable and should be implemented in a country such as ours. If my job offered the flexibility and the compassion that the UK offers its employees, I’m sure working parents would be less stressed. I have seen some co-workers at my place of employment suffer from debilitating anxiety and stress over their responsibilities at home as care givers for their elderly parents and that partially is due to inadequate support at home and in the work place.
Truthfully, it is a win-win situation if the employer offers the necessary support and flexibility because the result is employees are loyal and more productive. With that notion, society needs to acknowledge that women have taken an unpaid second and third shift because not only are we expected to do it but we have been raised to believe that it is our responsibility and our job. We need to redefine the assignments in the home and it doesn’t necessarily mean that men and women should trade roles but we need to help each other with the different roles. Because there are more and more working parents outside of the home, the reality is that we cannot do it all and until the societal expectations change, we will continue to live with increased anxiety, stress and dissatisfaction both at home and in the workplace.
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My household was the same as yours growing up, except when I was seven or eight my mom starting working full time. As with your mom, my mom still did the household chores as well, but my dad helped her out as well.
ReplyDeleteI like how you run your own household now. That is how I personally think it should be because it is fair and it makes you and your partner equal and I think that is very important. I don't think you should feel guilty in any way, what you are doing is a very good thing and you deserve credit for doing it and it seems as if your husband is good at recognizing that.
I also agree that when my parents get older I am responsbile for taking care of them because they did such an amazing job of taking care of me and they still are; it is the least I could do.
I see a lot of my friends working out a similar relationship with their spouse or significant other as you and your husband have. I think that it is a tremendous testament to the commitment you two have for sharing responsibilities and both taking ownership of the good with the bad.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I see this type of arrangement with my friends, this wasn't the case when I was young. When I was growing up, my mother and father divorced (when I was still a toddler). When I made it to school aged I had four parents, two of them being the new spouse to the original pair. As I grew up I was able to live in both households, each having it's own spin on how the wife and "mother figure" viewed her role.
In one house, my real mother stayed at home, took care of the chores and the kids, each night having dinner prepared for when my step-dad would get off work. Along with the norm, she enjoyed being the homemaker which allowed her to have the house cleaned and dinner ready for when my step-father would make his way home. My step-dad really had input on the kids, and then it was usually when it was concerning his boys, not the step-kids.
My father, on the other hand, was unable to pay for all the bills without the help of a second income. My step-mother worked a full-time job and would then head to the house to cover the household chores and care giving responsibilities. Only when there was discipline required did it seem that my father would step over into the caring role.
Reflecting on your childhood experiences and what you have learned so far in this course, why do you think that your mother performed all the household tasks even while working?
ReplyDeleteIn response to your question regarding blog #2, I believe my mother continued to perform all the work at home because this is how she was raised. My mother is originally from Mexico and there it is the cultural norm for the woman to be the caregiver and homemaker. Because the husband tends to be the breadwinner, in Mexico for example, it is expected that after a long day of work he should be greeted by a warm cooked meal and the remote. Personally, if I didn't work I think I should keep the house clean and have dinner ready but because this is not the case for me we have found the need to share the obligations. My husband was born in Mexico too and he was raised in a similar household where his father was the sole breadwinner however times have since changed. Currently, both his mother and father work and initially, his father still expected that his wife cook for him until she made it clear to him that because she too has to work there would be days he would have to cook for himself.
ReplyDeleteIn our home, my husband has tried to cook on his own and I have found it turns out better when we do it together and the same goes for doing the laundry becaue my work clothes should NEVER be washed with his work clothes just because it is all work clothes (I work in an office and he sets tile). I am happy that he lends a helping hand because afterall, the home and our family is a responsibility that should be shared particularly when we are both working.